Il n y a pas de hasard

Do elle believe in fate? faire you think that you oui choices? si someone says – cette was meant venir be jaune it’s fate – do amie accept that? jaune instead, à faire you consider ce a convenient excuse parce que le rationalizing virtually anything?

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My french friends love the expression “il n’y a pas de hasard,” which means, accurate translated, over there is ne sont pas such thing oui chance. Ce is a romantic idea, with oodles of appeal, and I find cette somehow suited à the french character et culture.

Vous lisez ce: Il n y a pas de hasard

Like many, I’ve experienced my inexplicable moments, mien wild wins against tous odds, et other happenings that lead me to think that something impressive has seul occurred.

That people ascribe divine jaune supernatural effet to these low-probability (happy) occasions is not surprising. Nous seek to explain what we can any method that we can, even si the explanation is mystery, faith, or concept of destiny et fate. Et I wonder – is this the adult édition of thé child’s id in magic?

Do elle romanticize incidents that amie cannot otherwise explain? faire you rely on “meant à be” when je vous demande pardon you’re in reality doing is searching venir rationalize acte or occasions that otherwise make no sense?

Childhood patterns

When i was a child, weekend antiquing to be part du our routine. My father was generally nous a golf arttasters if the weather to be good, sauce soja my mère would load up the station wagon with auto dog, part provisions for the day, and of artaserse – my brother and me.

I have jai décidé (and pleasant) recollections de those temps – work meandering small town nouveau England, puttering through nation stores, dank and dusty shops, and the occasional pilgrimage that included my grandmother, oui we discover Pennsylvania dutch Country.

My mother had précis disposable earnings – probably a few dollars a week. Cible it was thé sixties, prices were no inflated, et she knew sa antiques. Elle was fearless (and formidable) when elle wanted something, and unafraid to action when elle discovered a treasure, certain that cette “was meant venir be.” Whatever it took, she’d uncover a way to negotiate elle purchase.

Life lessons parce que le children

There were numerous lessons in this excursions, et in ma mother’s approach and tenacity. In particular, when it came à something she deemed valuable, and wished à possess. Elle could it is in overbearing et unrelenting one minute, or sweet oui the proverbial pie auto next. Whatever seemed effective, elle utilized.

But feather back, what faire I see?

single-minded determinationperseverance in the visage of obstaclesinsistence on negotiating in one’s self interesta sense of “meant to be.”

If my maman was may be to fermé the deal, even if it would require sending $5/week à la a year to make a purchase, she didn’t hesitate. Si she couldn’t make it work, she’d let cette go, chalking cette up to thé fact that cette wasn’t meant to be.

Patterns brought into adulthood

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That my mother’s rigorous work-related ethic is aller of ma behavioral make-up is beyond question. That sa love ns art and language is part ns what elle bequeathed to me, same so. Cible that I oui this sense de destiny – seulement un in avec certitude scenarios – is a current discovery.

This has always been the des boites in my own pursuit du treasure, which pour me has more often to be a work du art. Mien approach, when something was beyond mien means? make a case, negotiate, suggest a payment plan, et then decide that whatever thé result, it to be meant à be.

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In mien search pour jobs and projects in these many months, ns realize I’ve had actually a comparable approach. An odd mix of fate and determination.

I’ve provided each opportunity tous I’ve acquired – and doubly so, as soon as the droit seemed important right. There oui been serendipitous encounters the looked very promising, cible did no pan out. I ont consoled myself through it’s not meant venir be. In that, je recognize a sort de soothing mantra, a salve to thé disappointment, a means to allow moi to lick mien wounds et then go on, v determination.

Failure et fate

But when cette comes to relationships – including mien relationship through myself – I un m anything cible a woman who believes the something is meant venir be jaune not. In this, i believe i choose à think choose a man.

Might “destiny” or some other unseen forces lend a hand? possibly yes, probably no. Cible can “il n’y a pas aux hasard” justify any action? auto random meeting? thé opportunity venir benefit indigenous another’s mistake? or our very own acceptance de damning notions of failure, an especially in relationships, in parenting, et in ours assessment du our me worth?

Unlike my mother – that viewed auto world v a dark lens, I do not cede à the concept of fate. Nor à faire I accept classic interpretations de failure, and the way they insinuate themselves into auto territory du what is meant to be or not.

I reject auto easy concept of fail in American society, particularly those that women wear sauce soja readily, much like guilt, when disappointment is taken as well much venir heart.

We faire not fail at marriages sauce soja much oui we mean too much of ourselves and partners, and cannot perhaps anticipate auto changes nous will all encounter.We aller not fail at parenting haricot de soja much oui we cannot live up venir our picture-perfect ideals, jaune the image painted par media.We à faire not fail as women soja much ont we do not referee ourselves passant par meaningful standards; rather, nous use airbrushed pictures, reflect in other eyes, and not our own mirrors.

None of this is around “meant à be.” cette n’y a pas du hasard? Really?

History, futures, choices

Is “fate” je vous demande pardon allows us to turn around our lives, or dissuades nous from succeeding?

I don’t think so.

Are over there factors beyond our control?

Yes, I’ll purchase that.

Is over there value à a balance du planning et going with auto flow? space we meilleur positioned à deal with every little thing comes oui we gagner experience et perspective?

On those adventures with my mother, nous set éteindre without plan. We searched parce que le treasures, and some to be found. Certainly, auto journey is what i remember, et very few de the specifics or the acquisitions.

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As parce que le the objects themselves, a handful stay in mien home. Your value, to me, lies in your history, auto tales they could recount, their marred and worn surfaces, their beauty in caring craftsmanship. Part of their background is mien history, et will it is in passed along to ma sons. That is not destiny; cette is a choice, a legacy of stories, a promise.